Thursday, December 07, 2006

Breathe in breathe out, move on.

It's a December Thursday afternoon.

The weather's trying to decide if it's going to snow or rain or shine.

In December I play Jimmy Buffet music, in the house, in the car, at work. It's one of the few things that helps me hang on to sanity by my fingernails at this time of year. I'm really just a well aged beach baby...who wants to spend her days catching rays and drifting on the swells on an air mat.

Jimmy is singing right now, trying to calm me down. I'm trying to buy a house and I got 20 bucks and the change in my ashtray. My mom is being eaten alive by Alzheimers. I've used my rescue inhaler twice today.

Jimmy's got the only idea that's working for me I'll share it with you.

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On
(Jimmy Buffett/Matt Betton)

I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man
Floating down Canal
It doesn’t use numbers or moving hands
It always just says now
Now you may be thinking that I was had
But this watch is never wrong
And if I have trouble the warranty said
Breathe in breathe out move on ....................

According to my watch the time is now
The past is dead and gone
Don’t try to shake it just nod your head
Breathe in breathe out move on
Don’t try to explain it just bow your head
Breathe in breathe out move on

© 2005 Coral Reefer Music (BMI) & Vernon Dubusque Music (BMI)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Lotsa Jose!

The best song is on the top! "Just Show Me How To Love You"....toe curling tenor at his best!

Rhapsody Playlist: "1. Just Show Me How To Love You - Sarah Brightman
2. Postal de guerra - Jose Cura
3. I Pagliacci - 'Recitar . . . Vesti la giubba' - Jose Cura
4. Andrea Chénier - 'Improvviso' - Jose Cura
5. Guglielmo Ratcliff - 'Non Altro Che Delirio' - Jose Cura
6. Preludio a los sonetos de amor y muerte - Jose Cura
7. I Pagliacci - Intermezzo - Jose Cura
8. Cancion del arbol del olvido - Jose Cura
9. Anhelo - Jose Cura
10. Milonga - Jose Cura
11. Soneto IV - Jose Cura
12. Riqueza - Jose Cura
13. Campanilla - Jose Cura
14. Elegia para un gorrion - Jose Cura
15. La Rosa y el sauce - Jose Cura
16. Preludio - Jose Cura
17. Desde el fondo de ti - Jose Cura
18. Cancion del Perico - Jose Cura
19. Nocturno - Jose Cura
20. Caminito - Jose Cura
21. Cancion del carretero - Jose Cura
22. Andrea Chénier - 'Come Un Bel Di Di Maggio' - Jose Cura
23. El unico camino - Jose Cura
24. Se equivoco la paloma - Jose Cura
25. Sonetos de amor y muerte 1\Amor mio, si muero y tu no mueres 2\Cuando yo muera - Jose Cura
26. Turandot - Nessun Dorma - Giacomo Puccini
27. Turandot - Non Piangere Liu - Giacomo Puccini
28. Turandot - Nessun Dorma - Giacomo Puccini
29. Turandot - Non Piangere Liu - Giacomo Puccini
30. Gianni Schicchi - Firenze E Come Un Alberto Fiorto - Giacomo Puccini
31. Il Tabarro - Hai Ben Ragione - Giacomo Puccini
32. Il Tabarro - Folle Di"

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Oh Empress!

Who else for The Empress but Sarah Brightman?

The Empress

Who else for The Emperor?

The Emperor

The illusion and self-deception of The Moon.

The Moon

The unity of The World.

The World

The Truth of the Judgement.


The opening door of Death.

Knock Knock!

The balance of Temperance.

My view of Temperance!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Tower

My own take on The Tower
The Tower

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

More Cards Completed

My own take on the High Priestess
The High Priestess

The lost illusion of The Lovers
Love's Flames

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tarot Project Update

More sneak peaks at my tarot project.

The Wheel of Fortune.......Not the tv show either!
Wheel of Fortune

Who else for the Hermit and prince of introspection but Hunter S. Thompson?
HST we miss you.

Strength. A lot like the traditional..but with my own twist.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The Tarot Project Sneak Peak

My own personnal Magician!

The Magician is the first finished card.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Hunter Said It Best

Don't know what to say today. Read this on the Owl Farm Blog....a place for all things Hunter S. Thompson. I thought it fit so I'm passing it along. It's from my all time favorite: "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas" By the way the "Red Shark" is vintage 70's convertable Cadillac...a huge red monster with chrome and fins.

With No Attorney
… and here I am, with no attorney, slumped on a red plastic stool in Wild Bill’s Tavern, nervously sipping a Budweiser in a bar just coming awake to an early morning rush of pimps and pinball hustlers… with a huge Red Shark just outside the door so full of felonies that I’m afraid to even look at it.

But I can’t abandon the fucker. The only hope is to somehow get it across three hundred miles of open road between here and Sanctuary. But, sweet Jesus, I am tired! I’m scared. I’m crazy. This culture has beaten me down. What the fuck am I doing out here? This is not even the story I was supposed to be working on.

--Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Now and Then

Now and Then: "1. Harmony - Elton John
2. Amoreena - Elton John
3. Pinky - Elton John
4. Original Sin - Elton John
5. This Train Don't Stop Here Anymore - Elton John
6. Have You Seen Me Lately? - Carly Simon
7. Jesse - Carly Simon
8. Constant Craving - k.d. lang
9. Hello Hooray - Alice Cooper
10. Is It My Body - Alice Cooper
11. Caught In A Dream - Alice Cooper
12. 'Don't You' Feel My Leg - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
13. Next Week Sometime - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
14. Drive Like Lightning (Crash Like Thunder) - The Brian Setzer Orchestra
15. Precious - Depeche Mode


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Black Dog

The Black Dog has me in it's mouth. I've been keeping a good lead on it for the last few years...but he's caught me up. I'm roiling sick and spinning down. Not much left to do but put out the phone calls to the doctors and let them twist their heads around a new idea to keep me afloat.

Lilting along....I've fallen into a pocket of somebody else I used to be.

I remember when I was Pinky and Amoreena and Harmony too. I remember plaster walls and a room with no heat. Dinner's at the Bonfire. Red plush carpet. Cheap Rose. Mallomars. Tossing beer bottles from balconies. Being somebody who still was alive, even though she was drowning. Being somebody who didnt' have a clue how far down she'd have to fall before she could go home.

I can't remember the password to my bank account, but here I sit, looped out of my mind on something ment to keep me alive.....singing word for word to songs I haven't heard in twenty years..........

I'm lost and drowning. Stuck in time and I can't go back....going forward looks even worse than what I've already been through.

Oh come own and howl with me my lovelies... Fuck the writing teachers if they don't like blogs.....Entertainment value is under keeps you sane and if your lucky it makes you money. Stephen King and Ann Rice have proved that true.

I shall float myself off to bed. Perhaps I'll find my old lucite frame with my hero's picture in it. It's probably stored somewher between old phone buttons and pickled meraschino cherries and photographs out of focus!

Blues for Baby and Me

Hey Cousin you remember?

Blues for Baby and Me?

Dark Doorways

The dark doorways know my name
Most nights I pretend not to hear
When I walk by.

You became the cowboy
You always wanted to be.
I missed the past banching off
Into today.

You are so far away
I don't recognize your pictures anymore.
The fires you started are still burning
In the girl that's still lost in the rain.

I long to see your eyes
Staring at me from your
Broken lucite frame.
Icon in my broken temple of hope.

Accolyte to vague possibility.
Texts rubbed down to a worn brown
Icons tore and yellowed moving from wall to wall
'till I didn't put them up again.

Now I'm just a puddle that
sometimes reflects light.
Rippling with crippled memories.

Last year I drove the switchback road
Beside your mountain ranch
Never realizing you were there.
I've drifted so far
From my madeup faith.

A matchstick in the darkness as
My ship sank in the sea
Light burned out
Splinters on my palm
Float away

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Water sure is wet today

In a warm beach summer, a long time ago, the Moody Blues where in the charts, life was new, we were invincible. The sunsets were golden, the water was emerald green, the sand was warm, the nights were alive with stars.

If we had known then, what we know now...we would have held hands and joyously skipped in front of a speeding beer truck.

This song came out in 1983 on the album whose cover introduced me to Maxfield Parish. "Running Water" by the Moody Blues

This Man.......

This man taught me how to make a wicked biscuit.

This man has deep green eyes, like the green sparkle of the ocean in the late afternoon sun. Like that electric green color of a wave at the top of the arc, right before you dig the board in and roll down the other side.

This man is one of the good things in the world.

This man gives me hope that hard work and dreams do work out.

This man appears in my dreams, often, and I don't know what he means when he shows up.

This man is helping me find a tiny ray of hope on a day when my disease is so bad I'm having to talk myself out of suicide.

I found this cool video tribute on "YouTube". It's by an artist who goes by the tube name of "AltonFan". Enjoy the video.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Escape Velocity

Click on the playlist name and hear the songs in the playlist through Rhapsody.


Escape Velocity:
"1. Only You - Yaz
2. Dancing In The Moonlight - Baha Men
3. I'll Never Fall In Love Again, (It Looks Like) - Tom Jones
4. Big Spender - Peggy Lee
5. Are You Having Any Fun - Count Basie and Tony Bennett


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I think we're all crazy!!!

Apartment shopping yesterday. Life at the old Tuxedo Inn has been hell this summer. Need a place with a washer, dryer, diswasher, heat, air, and a reliable water supply. Oh and no steps please....friggin' "Everest" out there is getting old.

Tried the new apartment complex in town......The resident center isn't finished yet. The pool is under construction. The parking lot is full of heavy equipment and they're making enough noise to drown out the airport.

"So, a one bedroom with den is reasonably priced from $1738 plus utilities." The salesman says. "We require a one year lease." He continues.

I burst out laughing, out loud, in his face. Bad girl babe was out in force.

"Ha ha ha, ho ho ho. I'm not paying 1700 bucks a month for a dinky apartment in an unfinished complex." I laughed.

The sales office went deadly silent. I had brought everything to a standstill, like the kid who had just pointed out that the emperor was naked.

"I only need an apartment for 6 months until I get into the house. I don't need to make a house payment for an apartment. Thank you for your time." I shook the salesman's hand.

"Well we just changed out prices and rental terms." He sputtered.

"Well then you need to get whoever answers your phone to stop lying on you then, don't you?" I couldn't stop laughing. "They told me 1280$ a month with a 9 month lease."

Oh that place was mad as a Mercury factory.

"Besides this complex is listed as a Marriot extended stay hotel on the web. Who wants to pay that much per month to have a slew of out of town execs behaving badly for neighbors?"

I laughed my way out to the car. The sales office emptied out after me.

Somebody thinks Annapolis Maryland is a whole lot more than the pile of congested rickety old houses and slums that it is!

Gnarl's Barkly seems to have this place to a T in their song "Crazy"

Crazy (from Gnarl's Barkly)

I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions had an echo
And so much space
Hmm mmmm
And when you're out there
Without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy (x3)

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
Thats my only advice
Come on now
Who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are
Ha ha ha!
Bless your soul
You really think you're in control

I think you're crazy (x3)
Just like me

My heros had the heart, to put their lives out on the limb
And all I remember, is thinking I want to be like them
Hmm mmm
Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little it looked like fun
And its no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy

Monday, July 31, 2006

After the boys of summer have gone........

For Cousin Monday....the only one still here, now that the boys of summer are gone.

My Wayfarers broke in the 1990's!
The Ultimate Boy of Summer

The Boys of Summer
By Don Henley

Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summers out of reach
Empty lake,
Empty streets
The sun goes down alone

Im drivin by your house
Though I know youre not home

But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your
Sunglasses on, baby

And I can tell you my love for you
Will still be strong after the boys of
Summer have gone

I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream?
Now I dont understand whats happened
To our love,
But babe, Im gonna get you back
Im gonna show you what Im made of
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin in the sun
I see you walkin real slow and youre smilin at everyone

I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

Out on the road today I saw a deadhead sticker
On a cadillac
A little voice inside my head said, dont
Look back. you can never go back.

I thought I knew what love was,
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on baby

And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

I can see you-
Your brown skin shining in the sun
You got that hair slicked back and
Those wayfarers on, baby
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Roasting in the Sahara

Favorite song for desert crossing misery......


Night and stars above that shine so bright
The mystery of their fading light
That shines upon our CARAVAN.

Sleep upon my shoulder as we creep
Across the sands so I may keep
The mem'ry of our CARAVAN.

This is so exciting, you are so inviting
Resting in my arms
Thrill to the magic, the magic of your charms

You beside me here beneath the blue
My dream of love is coming true
Within our desert CARAVAN.

This is so exciting, you are so inviting
Resting in my arms
Thrill to the magic, the magic of your charms

Night and stars above that shine so bright
The mystery of their fading light
That shines upon our CARAVAN.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Darkness at the edge of town......

Well they're still racing at the trestles
But that blood had never burned in his veins
Now I hear he's got a house up in Fairview
In a style he's trying to maintain.

Well if he wants to see me,
You can tell him that I'm easily found
Tell him there's a spot out 'neath Abrahms bridge and
Tell him there's a darkness on the edge of town.

Bruce said it best.........

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Suicide is futile. Living is futile. Everything is futile.

That's what I learned on my summer vacation.

Writing retreat taught me that writing is one hell of a stupid way to waste money and waste your life.

"Studying" things that have been written is even stupider. Does anybody really think that writers go through the steps professor's rant about in college? Get a grip!

I'm broke. Suddenly broke.

The car is in the shop and I'm going to have to take out a loan to pay for the repairs. Mom's house isn't even on the friggin' market yet and the lanai has sprung more leaks than a sieve.

F**k it all puppies. F**k it all.

Life sucks, your choices make it suck worse, your family and loved ones make it suck to the ultimate level. Then you die and burn in hell.

Tra la la.

Best I can see is that you should f**k your brains out while your young and have the body for it. Then buy an overpowered sports car on credit and drive it off a cliff before your thirty and you realize how bad life sucks and you are too chicken to take the exit door.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Pardon Our Dust......

Ok, I've died and I'm either in Hell or Purgatory.

Wrecked up the car. House hit by lightening. Have to move. Selling mom's house.

If you want to spend quality time with me.....come over to my house with a roll of packing tape, scissors, a sharpie, labels, and some boxes and help me pack.

OH, and a big bag of cash wouldn't hurt either......

Monday, July 03, 2006

The Horror, The Horror

I have seen the Heart of Darkness, walked its deep passageways.

The Tarot told me Death and Abundance. Rebirth and Success.

All births are bloddy, traumatic experiences.

The horror, the horror................

I have been driven mad. But makes no never mind, I have been here so many times before. I will find a comfy chair, have a cup of tea, read a bit of a novel, take a moments rest, then slowly, slowly, wend my way home.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Caught in Alice's Dream

It's still just Alice and me!

Well I'm runnin through the world
with a gun in my back
tryin' to catch a ride in a Cadillac
Thought that I was livin'
but you can't really tell
been tryin' to get a whiff
of that success smell

I need a houseboat and I need a plane
I need a butler and a trip to Spain
I need everything
the world owes me
I tell that to myself
and I agree

I'm caught in a dream
So What!
You don't know what I'm goin' through
I'm right in between
So I'll
I'll just play along with you

Well I'm runnin' through the world
with a gun in my back
tryin' to catch a ride in that Cadillac
thought that I was livin'
but you can't never tell
what I thought was heaven
turned out to be hell

When you see me with a smile on my face
Then you'll know I'm a mental case

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

All the girls love Alice........

It's still just Alice and me!

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel like you belong
A nocturnal vacation
Unnecessary sedation
You want to feel at home 'cause you belong

Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown
I hope I didn't scare you
That's just the way we are when we come down
We sweat and laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel that you belong
We sweat laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here
Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown